When I was younger(4) my cousins used to touch me inappropriately. I remember being pulled behind curtains and chairs only to be told to touch someone or be touched. I remember this happening so many times. Then when I was like 9 or 10 some kids came over to my house and I remember making one touch me. I thought since it was done to me, maybe it was okay. But, even though I was little I’ve never felt more irritated in my life. I still see those cousins. They still come around. I act like I don’t remember because they probably think I don’t. It breaks my heart when I do because I feel so irritated with my body and feel like I can never trust anyone with it. I just hate it, remembering it. When they slept over and made me touch them. These days I’m forcing myself to forget because It hurts to remember.

In my 20 years of life, I never even thought that where I am is where I would've bren when growing up. I used to be an extrovert, made friends every where I went, then when I was 10 I met someone. She was different from all the rest, she stood out from everyone. We had a beautiful friendship with each other then I found out she was Transgender (MtF), but that didnt stop us from being friends. When she moved here, everyone bullied her for being different and no matter how hard I tried to defend her, it kept going on. It got so bad that one day she killed herself by overdosing... She left a letter for me and her parents...I regret that I never talked about it to someone, I kept those emotions locked away and it changed me. I became closed off and depressed for many years w/ 3 suicide attempts. Now I live the life of an introvert, I don't talk to anyone, hang out with anyone. All the dating I did never lasted more than a few days. DON'T HIDE YOUR EMOTIONS. DON'T LET THE STRUGGLE OF SOMETHING DESTROY WHO YOU ARE. YOU CAN RISE THROUGH IT.

• July 7, 2023