When I was younger, my dad used to make me go to sleep next to him. He used to play with my nipples until he fell asleep. Not really in a sexual way but like folding my boobs. Well.. kinda in a sexual way. I felt really uncomfortable about it but I didn't know what to do. He wouldn't let me sleep somewhere else. Like, he actually got so upset whenever I tried to sneak out of the bed. I remember I always stayed up until I heard him snore and would sneak out and just hide in the bathroom for a few hours because of how uncomfortable it was. My mom and siblings know about it. He used to do it to my little brother too. He stopped like last year I think. He jokes about it and stuff and it makes me want to cry. When I was in puberty or whatever, he used to make a lot of perverted jokes about my boobs. He would say stuff like how big are your boobs getting, and tell me to show him. I know he knows it's bad because he didn't do it to my older sisters. They would've spoke up about it. I felt used to it when I was younger and when he stopped doing it, I couldn't sleep without it. It made me feel super gross. I eventually got used to sleeping without touching my boobs. I feel so embarrassed about it. My mom never mentions it and she knows about it. I dunno.. this whole things just wierd.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023