When I was younger, me and my brothers grew up neglected by our parents so we were on our own everyday. I was the most responsible and intelligent of the three so the expectations for me were high. any time I needed help whether it was school or bullies my parents and older brother would ignore me. I was frustrated and I would take it out on my younger brother. I would hit him, scratch him, make him bleed. I was very violent towards him. He would cry to my parents but they obviously didn’t do anything about it. I stopped when I was 17 but hadn’t realized the damage I had done. Now that I’m 21 and he’s 19, he’s changed completely. He stopped being a little innocent wide eyed boy a long time ago. I can’t look at his old photos without it absolutely shattering me. It’s my fault he’s all fucked up inside. I wish I could reverse time and treat him better. He was so thoughtful and cared about me every time I was sad and I repaid him by lashing out. I cannot stand it. I wish I treated him better. I wish I had known. I wish I was the parent he needed. I’ve tried to apologize but It’s hard being emotional towards people when you grew up pushing your emotions aside. The best I could do is imply that I was sorry by buying him everything he wants, or buying things I know he needs. If I had just died when I tried, I feel like he would’ve been better off. I hope he has the best life he deserves because I love him deeply and I hate myself for everything I’ve done.