When I was in the 6th grade, my sister and little brother would go to our bus drivers house every other weekend because he was related to our dad and our parents trusted him. Sometimes my other sister went with them too. I was so glad when I got a weekend just to myself, no other people around.One day my sister's stopped going to his house and I was just thinking about myself, wishing they'd get out of the house, wondering why they stopped going. Months later, I had learned that our bus driver had SA'd them while my little brother was in the other room. I felt horrible .

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023