When I was in 6th grade I posted something on my story saying "what would you do if I died" a lot of my friends responded. Around 2 or 3 years later I had a mental break down one night, I tried to off myself but couldn't thinking about how many people It would hurt but I realize nobody would even care, and I was made to believe people actually cared about me. I had told my friends how I felt and they seemed to be worried at first but didn't even care after the next Dayton, i told them if we could go out and they agreed then canceled on me for random excuses, I told them I really needed this day to be free from my family and school ive been stressing so much on, i ended up going by myself. Then few days later my friend said he wouldn't care if something bad happened to me. I didn't listen but I've been having such a hard time the past 2 years I don't think I can handle much, im so close but I don't want to leave my family, im scared to hurt them, im scared to be gone forever and not enjoy my youth, society really has ruined me a lot, I just want to be happy.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023