When I was about 8 I heard my mom talking to my aunt in the car about how she was going to put me up for adoption as soon as I was born since she has had my brother for 3 years prior and was a single mother but never did and ever since that day I have felt like I needed to get rid of myself and get out of her life for her to be happy. I started to hurt myself physically and mentally and even tried to kill myself 3 times already. I just wish I could disappear.

I've always been su1c1d@l and I want to die everyday. I'm not worth living if no one loves me, even they say they do, they are probably just faking it. My gf broke up with 2 months ago and I've gotten worse. And Ive been thinking and, who would wanna date me? I'm Fat, my hair is greasy, it's to short, my hips look stupid, my thighs r too big, I have too small eyes, my cheeks are big, etc. I used to sh but when I told someone they wanted to help but when I asked if they could not tell anyone they said they wouldn't unless it got bad. I stopped but they don't know that by saying that I'm just not gonna tell anyone next time it happens. My life is horrible, my grandparents also yell at me and say I look like a male and that I'm fat and etc. What's the point of living if Im just gonna suffer? Just today I had a panic attack in band, my friend got the teacher and he helped me but I still feel bad for taking up his/the classes time for me. I don't like talking about stuff like this most the time bc I feel attention seeking but I'm not. I can't tell anyone I'm depressed like this bc they probably won't believe me, I mean I am only 12 so who would believe me? I'm also way too sensitive, I cry when someone yells at me from past truma and flinch when someone raises their hand, I don't wanna see what it would be like to grow up bc it seems too hard. I want advice from people in the comments, how do I stop being su1c1d@l?

• June 24, 2023