when i was 9 years old i repeatedly asked my grandmother, who meant the world to me and who i was extremely close with, to play tag with me and my brother in the basement until she finally said yes. while we were playing, she tripped over a rolled-up rug on the floor and fell down on the floor next to it. she laid there for a while and i thought really nothing of it because it wasn’t a big fall or anything, but she ended up going to the hospital. i was forced to show up everyday to visit her and i would never say “hi” or anything and would just wander around or find a way to pass time. i hated going there all the time that i would constantly try getting out of it. i realized a couple days before valentine’s day how much she really meant to me and i made a huge card with all the things i loved her for and on the front it said “stay strong”. i went to visit her the day of valentine’s day and giver her my card but i had just found out that she passed away. i was never able to tell her how much she meant to me and i blame myself for being selfish while she did almost anything i asked her because she loved me so much. i still blame myself 7 years later and i don’t know if she ever got to know how much she meant to me.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023