when i was 9 my male cousin was around 14 and he would go to my room with me and give me his phone as a ‘distraction’ and would make me lay on my belly and he would grind against my backside and rub his d*** against my backside (us both fully clothed) he repeated it over and over and then one day stopped. school recently talked about sexual assault and that’s when it hit me. what had happened to me and i was traumatised bc i funny understand what happened. i’m 15 now.

Ever since I was little I was never able to express or label my emotions well. It’s hard for me to empathize with people and honestly I don’t know if I care that it doesn’t bother me. I mean sometimes it does because I want to feel what other people feel. I just don’t know how to connect with people. This has affected many, possibly all, of my relationships. No one knows what my personality is really like and honestly I don’t know either. It changes so much depending on who I’m with. It’s like each day I put on a new persona. Sometimes it’s very confusing and other times I don’t feel anything at all and can just fake everything. I don’t know how to worry (I think that’s the word I’m looking for) about this and fix it because I don’t know what the problem is

• July 3, 2023