When i was 9 my cousin was trying to seduce me.She made me touch her but i ran away.When i reached 12 i went into the world of pornography has veen affecting me for 6 years even now.When i was 15 i was physical abused my teacher he kicked, smashed a pipe on my head i was in boarding school so my parents didn't know.I tried to commit suicide and prayed i died.I have never been in a relationship coz I don't know which gender i like.Nobody knows this thing just me

During my last years of college, I met this real cool dude named John. We got along great, he was in a few of my classes, and he was just a nice, normal guy. Before long, he just became another friend in my little gang of diverse friends. Right from the start, I knew he was a straight guy. He talked about women, looked at women, dated women, and hooked up with women. Totally normal. Then near the end of college, I noticed he started to change. It became clear pretty quickly that he had become interested in me. (FYI: I’m a transgender woman.) Well, I freaked bc. well, I’m not a cis-female. So I did everything I could to avoid him. I also didn’t want to tell him the truth either. (Fear) Then he started sending me flowers, messages on social media, you know.. the usual I’m-interested-in-you-stuff. I completely ignored them. I know not telling him the truth was a terrible thing to do, but I couldn’t. I was scared and I didn’t want him to be embarrassed/humiliated. At the end of my senior year, I left without ever seeing him again. Years later, my old friend group found each other again, including him. He told some of them that he was still in love with (the old) me, that I was “that girl” to him, and that I was the “one who got away.” I still haven’t seen him and when he’s going to hang out with our friends, I don’t go. I feel like the sh*ttiest person alive because this situation should’ve NEVER gone on this long. And it was all bc. I was too scared to tell him the truth. I seriously don’t know if I should tell him now, after all these years, or just keep letting him think about someone he thinks is a 100% real woman.

• June 6, 2023