When I was 8 my 10 year old brother would sexually use me. It started off small and he would just take my clothes off however late on he started touching. When he was 11 and I was 9 his private started getting hard and when I was younger I wondered what it was. So.. being the 9 year old curious girl, I asked why it was like that and he said something like “oh you have to suck on it to make it normal again I’m infected and I might die!” And then he r@ped me and luckily I wasn’t on my period yet so I couldn’t get pregnant. I’m still traumatised by this event and have nightmares, he bribed me with doing chores, chocolate, etc not to tell anyone. When I was 12 and he was 14 when my parents left for work he found my parents c0ndoms and fukced me.. ofc I was a friking pick me girl drama Queen attention seeker back then so I let him but ever since I turned 13 I made him stop and threaten to tell our parents. However, there was a time I was 16 and he r@ped me when I was in a deep sleep at like 1 am. My dad caught him and he’s in big trouble now. But sometimes I just want to do it again you know? It feels so good and my brothers actual decent looking. I just want him to do it but only with my permission since I don’t like him r@ping me.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023