When I was 7 my mom was caught up in selling drugs and just hanging out with the wrong people. I remember one night me and my little sister we’re jumping on the couch and I felt something hit my foot and I grabbed it and it was a gun. By the time I realized what I was holding it went off and shot my little sister in the chest I remember hearing her yell “wait no” and everything went silent. I don’t remember much from that time but I don’t live with my mom anymore and she is now in prison for child reckless endangerment. Even though feel like it should be me that is something I live with and don’t talk about even now I feel scared to share this but I hope my sister knows that I’m sorry and I never meant to hurt her. It’s been years now and I still think about her everyday.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023