When I was 4/5 I was in foster care I had to go to a baby sitters house while my foster mom worked. This baby sitter had a family, 2 boys and 2 girls. We were all fairly close in age and got along well. Sometimes I had to spend the night and I didn’t sleep on the couch or in an extra bed. I slept with the oldest daughter J (7/8) Most nights J would make me kiss her. Like passionately and hid it. She would lay on top of me or make me lay on top of her. My foster mom had a boyfriend who had a daughter the same age as me and I started doing the same thing to her thinking it was normal for girls who are friends to do this. This kills me that I did this. I hope I didn’t traumatize that poor girl. I never told anyone this until now. I’m a monster.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023