When I was 2 years old, a few days after my birthday, my mom and dad got into a huge fight. My dad was always smashing things in the house, and standing outside of my preschool just to watch. He was always trying to take me away, sneak in one night to grab me from bed. Multiple school days were shut down because he showed up. One day when he was drunk, he killed my mom in front of everyone at our preschool, and the little kids had to go home covered in blood. I've grown up now, living with my other family. Recently, we got a call from the county jail, telling us that he had gotten out and they were doing everything they could to look for him. After doing hours of research, I found videos of court cases. He was charged with child abuse and abduction. What really worries me now is that he knows our neighborhood.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023