When I was 15 me and my dads relationship was going down hill. He chose women and money over a lot of things and it eventually caught up with him. Got into some debt, 5 marriages he all cheated on them with, and I started seeing it all when I grew up. But I still loved him, he was still my dad. But I finally started growing tired of his ways and just wished I was somewhere else other than around him. We always went to Waffle House though together. One night we went and he asked to go see a movie with him like when I was little. I had no interest and just wanted to go home to be on my phone. He was persistent and I finally said no in a way I should’ve gotten in trouble for I was so disrespectful. We went back home, I didn’t say anything to him, and the next morning me and my sister (who didn’t live with us) found him dead from suicide in his bed. If only I had went to watch that movie with him, I would’ve had a few more hours. We found out a few weeks later he planned it for a while so there was no stopping it. But fuck, I miss my dad…. I just wanted those last few hours back with him and tell him I love him. Tell him he was all I had then, since my mom passed when I was 5. How much he meant to me…. He passed away knowing I was angry at him for a while and I wasn’t happy around him anymore. But I still loved him. I can’t say that enough.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023