when i was 15 i had just started hanging out with a boy. my mom & step dad wanted me to go with them & their friends somewhere on a saturday & i said no (because i’d be like the only child). when they left i hungout with that boy, on sunday they asked me if i wanted to go to my moms tattoo appointment with them all day & i said no (bc it seemed boring) & i hungout with that boy again. monday morning i woke up around 3-4am & i heard my step dad in the kitchen getting ready to leave for work (he was a marine) & i felt the urge to go out there & hug him & tell him i loved him. i battled with this thought in my head for like 20 minutes. i was scared to, i’m not sure why. i wanted to but i was like “no it’s okay”. She then left & later that morning i went to school. when 5th period started, i got called to the attendance office & my mom was there to pick me up & i was so confused because she never picks me up early & should’ve been at work. my uncle is also there to pick up my cousin. She tells me something terrible happen & i didn’t even know what to think. she told me my step dad had killed himself earlier that morning. I don’t blame myself, but i had a lot of regret for being too scared to go tell him i loved him & hug him that morning. I know it may not have changed things, but i could’ve got to see him & tell him i loved him one last time or maybe it could’ve even saved him. I have only ever told 1 person about this before.