when i was 14 i got into a fight with my friend after finding out she’d been lying to me about a bunch of stuff. i told her i hated her and never wanted to see her again, y’know the drill, just a bunch of stuff i didn’t really mean. she was begging me to let her explain, and i wouldn’t. she took her own life an hour later. i found out the next morning because all of our other friends were talking about how crazy it was. none of them knew i had gotten into a fight with her, and i never told them because im still kind of afraid they’ll think it was my fault. it’s been almost a year and it still haunts me knowing it probably was.

Ive never actually told anybody this I had an older friend when i was 10, she was 13 We were really good friends One day, she pulled me over to the side of the school yard and told me "My friend showed me this really cool site, its called pornhub its really hot". I didnt know what that ment at all, so i just said "cool" and went on with my day Later that year we had a sleepover, and she showed me the site while sitting next to me, and she said "if your parents come in just say we're watching anime" . We started watching videos, all of this was new to me and i didnt understand anything, i dont remember much, i dont remember what i was thinking at the time I wasnt disgusted, thinking about it now Later that night she started asking me if i wanted to play truth or dare, i was told to "hump" the bed and i didnt know what that ment but she showed me so i did As the night went on she started touching me more, and you can basically imagine what happened. She moved away a bit later, gave me her dog who had puppies and it still reminds me of her Im 15 almost 16 now and it still sickens me to think about it, ive struggled with the aftermath for so so long

• July 6, 2023