When I was 13 I met this man on the internet. He was 23 and we had a "relationship". I know now it wasn't a real relationship, I was being groomed. He told me he loved me and wanted to start a family with me. So many things were messed up when we were together. I would make him upset by not knowing what he needed. I was a kid for fucks sake. Anyways, being groomed lasted about three years. We stopped talking about April 2019 because I got in trouble. He use to call me horrible names and tell me how much he hated me. I told his friend he was a pedophile but she didn't believe me. She was telling me just forget about it and never think about so you'll feel better. I tried telling her that's not how it works but she didn't care. Anyways, after I got in trouble and we stopped talking, he disappeared and I haven't heard from him since. Theast thing I know is that he had stomach cancer. At this point in my life, I am pretty sure he is dead. We only ever talked online and he never sent me any personal pictures. Just one of his face and that was it. I don't know what to feel now. I don't know if I hurt but he really did fuck me up.

Sooo im currently suffering from an ED (bulmina to be exact) and my friends are supportive of me but at the same time they still make jokes about it. I always hear the “why eat if youll throw it up” “oh did you throw up already” “you cant even keep it down” etc. it doesnt bother me too much because alot of times they try to keep me seated and let me stomach the food down and have always asked me how my progress is. But at the same time, my best friend isnt the biggest eater, at least not infront of me. We would plan days to go out and eat and she always eats less than i do. I get really insecure and that prompts me to get rid of the food. She oftenly comments how little she eats or how shes not hungry. If yk anything about EDs, you should know that it’s extremely competitive. So everytime i hear that or smth similar, body body freezes up and i no longer eat or keep anything down for the day. I cant bring myself too. I feel like a pig everytime i hear “im not hungry” or “oh i only ate one thing today” or anything along the lines of that. Its not her fault for saying this or my friends to joke about it, we aren’t sentimental with each other and it weirds us all out when it does happen. I know they dont mean it and want the best for me, but the comments just drive my ED further and further. I cant go to my family, they make comments on my body regardless so the only people i have are them, but at this point idk if ill be okay.

• July 31, 2023