(tw) when i was ten years old i had my first suicide attempt. i tried jumping out of my mothers car but she grabbed me as i took of my seatbelt and tried. a lot of the times i wish she would put her ego aside and actually think abt y i would do that. i would never tell my mother straight up to her face that she’s a bad mother, no. but when i was 11 her and i got into a huge fight because she said she was a bad mother (all i did was turn on the tv) i told her i wanted to kms and she laughed it off. a few months after that she found a suicide letter to my family and she yelled at me for it. not even try to comfort me. she just got mad. made me feel like a disappointment. she said, “well since i’m such a bad mother how abt u go live with ur grandma” so she drove me over there. ever since then i’ve never really felt like i’ve been living for myself. it feels like when i try to kms and my mom finds out abt the suicide letters she’s more mad that i feel this way than at least concerned as to y i feel this way.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023