This isn’t really a secret I mean it kind of is I just wanted to share it with someone. I have this friend and I really really like them and they like me and honestly I don’t really know where it’s going or if it is but I just love being around them so much I love feeling close to them I love giving them things I love sending them videos, their parents aren’t very supportive of their gender n stuff but I’m always there for them and I just feel so happy every time I see them and ik I should do something about my feelings before they get bored n whatever but I’m pretty shy when it comes to that stuff I’m not a very confrontational person, and it’s really hard for me to express it, but I just like them so much and I want to be around them constantly.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023