This is a regret. My (ex?)boyfriend I think tried to attempt after I broke up with him. He was controlling and manipulative. But I still miss him. I have tried texting and calling him many times. I'm sure he just needs space. I have an awful gut feeling that's not why he's not responding. I only started texting him after I got this feeling. It's currently past midnight. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do. I really do miss him, I know some people will say that it's cause we just broke up, or it's hard to get over an abusive ex. This isn't the case, I genuinely, really do miss him. I honestly 100% do love him. I hope to God he's okay. If he doesn't respond by tomorrow night I'm probably going to drive to his house to check on him.. or call his mom or dad. I know I sound crazy.. I'm just terrified and confused.

I fell in love with a guy for 5 years of my life. No matter how much time we were away from each other I couldn’t forget him or move on from him. 2 years ago I started to date someone else and had stoped talking to the other guy who we will call Jacob. For so long I thought that I had stoped loving Jacob yet not once did he leave my mind. He was always in my heart and was such an important person. Many people ask why I didn’t just stay with him. The truth is that he never told me how he truly felt. He never spoke his mind to me. He was always quiet and refused to tell me how he felt about me. In a way I know he loved me too. I just don’t think he wanted to be an open person because he was never open with anyone at all. We weren’t meant to be and this past summer I left my relationship to try and be with Jacob but he was hurting me by staying silent and not telling me if he wanted to be with me. He said he did but he wasn’t open on his feelings and as much as I think he did love me I also think that he was never gonna fight for me or open up to me. I wish it was different. He was the only person I will ever have such a strong connection and bond with. After two months of trying to work something out with him again. It failed. I felt like he wanted the whole world but me. I love him I really do. I went back to the guy I was dating because I felt it was unfair to leave such a great guy for something that wasn’t gonna work out. However I truly love Jacob and yes I love my boyfriend too but Jacob will always be a piece of my life and soul. I don’t know how to let Jacob go. At nights I miss him a lot and I need to constantly remind myself that I need to let him go. I just wanna forget him and move in. I wish it was easy. I just wanna feel happiness and no longer pain from a love that was too good to be true.

• July 30, 2023