There was someone in my life in which I had loved dearly. The problem with that though is the fact that we didn’t talk as much as I wanted us to. Me and him were very flirty with each other and I was aware of his at home problems with his abusive parents. But, I had met someone else who I thought cared about me- me and the previous guy didn’t talk much anymore. I should’ve realized the previous guy was isolating himself, but I didn’t. I had stopped him from hurting himself/or worse like a week before everything happened. Then one morning, I woke up earlier than I normally would have and I saw a message from him telling me he said goodbye and that he loved me (not gonna say it all because it’s private). I started panicking thinking that he actually did it, and I tried calling his friends and I didn’t have contact with any of his family. No one answered me so I continued on with my day trying not to panic more. I was hanging out with a friend when I got a call from one of his friends. I was told what happened and how it happened - he shot himself and his younger brother found him. I started sobbing in front of my friend (who I was with currently at the time) and she held me even though she didn’t hear what had happened. 5 days later I tried killing myself and I came back and the other guy who I was talking to left me. And I probably deserved it. I feel so much guilt and I blame myself because I could’ve done so much more to prevent it. His friends don’t blame me but I do, and I know the hurt they feel.