So, this is more asking for advice..Ive never felt this way with anyone before and last year i basically met a guy and we instantly got along. We were rlly toxic in the beginning, to sum it up i found out he liked me, weekend comes along, he starts ghosting me, and i find out he’s going out w a girl? Anyway after they broke up, we became friends again and he started coming over to my house to cuddle. We didn’t date but we spent every passing period together and almost every other day at my house. Somehow i made him moan one time, and after that it escalated and whatnot . When he talked down about himself i would smack him with the back of my hand, which how i grew up just was tough love. He didn’t like it, so i stopped for a week or two but i didnt realize i started it back up. At the same time, one of his friends made me pretty uncomfortable, pressuring me into going to the gym with him, and started talking about how he can eat ass?? Anyway i got my best friend to lay on my shoulder and hug in front of the dude, and he backed off. I was out of school after winter break cuz of covid, and i found out while skiing that my best friend tried to khs after downing 3/4 vodka bottle and then his mom came in and yelled at him about the vodka, which he was planning on keeping from me. I got mega pissed and sad, and i basically dumped it out on him. He felt even more worse, but the days after were as usual as they could possibly be. I come back to school, and then he leaves me for the dude who made me uncomfortable. He hates me now. He realized how shitty i am, but never told me i was hurting him. I didn’t know i was living on chances, or that i was even doing anything wrong. He won’t even let me try again. At the same time i’m getting so many mixed signals. He’s wearing the hoodie i got him, keeping a seal plushie i said i would only give to the best friend that would stay with me always, and after i left him alone for a few days he was begging to talk to me to see what was wrong. “i never thought about how it would affect you”, is what he said. And even now, i really really just want him back in my life. sorry if it’s long, but to understand a bit better, you’d need the backstory :/ and i needed to rant lol