So one of my close friends aunt died when I was 5 and she was like a grandma to me. But ofc my dumbass didn’t know any shit back then cuz I’m fucking retarded so I stood there SMILING. The only time I didn’t smile was when I saw others crying. I was confused back then but now I keep remembering how fucking retarded I looked smiling at a funeral of someone who I loved sm and they cared for me. She was like a grandma to me I loved her so much I would visit her almost everyday. She died of cancer… now I cry almost every night just thinking of my stupidity… the thing that makes me happy at night is the moon bc it reminds me of her so bright and happy and how much she did for me. I wish she was still here I hate myself sm…

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023