So I have 2 older siblings, my brother who is 1 year older and my sister who is almost 3 years older. When I was younger, like 5-9, we would all play special games together that I was told could never be played with adults around or with other kids and I thought that made it cooler. I don't want to go into detail but they were all SA games and most of time I was the target. There was a lot of other things happening at the time so we were always home alone with my unrestricted Internet access which is were I think they got it from. This went on for years and they both taught me a lot things to do that would make them "happy" and tbh I liked it. It made me feel special and good the way they would touch me so I never said anything. Eventually as we all got older it just stopped happening and none of us ever talk about it anymore but I can't get over it. Everytime I think about it I hate myself for liking it and not stopping it.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023