So basically this was a super long time ago and I don’t rly remember how old I was but my cousin (who is a girl, and I’m a girl too) spent the night at my grandparents house and she turned to me while I was trying to sleep and kept nudging me to wake up and then she took out her phone and started showing me videos of people kissing I was kinda interested bc it’s not really anything I had ever had exposure to anyways she asked me to try it w her and we ended up kissing a lot and basically every time I saw her she’d pull me aside to kiss me and touch me and I didn’t like it and then she tried to force me to lick her down there and I kept saying no she gave up eventually but it sparked something and led me down looking up more people kissing and then eventually more than that now I have a boyfriend and I’m worried because I’m super hyper sexual with him and I just want to do it with him every time I’m with him and I don’t know why I wish I could just hang out with him and enjoy his company but I just find myself thinking about doing it way too often and I know it’s too often. This also started when I was like 7 or 8 I think.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023