So basically summer of 2021 was pretty depressing to me. It started off with when my grandpa died and then there was a lot of other stuff going on between my family and I was always caught in the middle which made me reallyyyyy stressed and stuff. I literally don’t know why but every single time I was caught in that depressed mood I didn’t wanna get out of it, it was almost like I enjoyed it because I was so used to it. Now at the time I was 12 (I’m 13 now). So I found this movie because I was bored ig and it’s called The Basketball Diaries. It’s has a lot of drug usage and just a lot of people getting high. And when I saw that I wanted to get high right away. After some research on how to get high without drugs I tried to do it with sharpies and by ingesting nutmeg none of them worked so I started drinking alcohol like straight vodka and I threw up one night it was terrible. I’m currently doing better but I still think about going back and doing it again but I know I would regret it again. I know it would destroy my life.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023