Since I was like ten my life wasn't very good I know others have it worse and I shouldn't complain but I just need to write it down. I've always told people I was fine because I didn't want to worry them. I've been struggling with anxiety and not just small anxiety but people think im faking it because I want attention. I used to self-harm but I managed to stop, but recently the people I thought were my friends started rumors about me that I was faking injuries to make it look like I self-harm and that triggered me and I started doing it again. My so called friends started ignoring me because I was a pick me girl, they can't even insult me with the right gender, all because I thought I could open up to them and told them about my problem. All of that made me snap at my mom and the first thing she said was u know u can trust me and tell me those thing, don't get me wrong I love her, but if I'm not telling you is because I know u have worse to deal with... Sorry it was so long I guess I just needed to let it out...

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023