shortly before my dad died (no more than 4 months before) i found a website he visited on his phone in his opened tabs on safari that was pictures of teenagers in bikinis. not the type of bikini pictures you see on insta where these girls are just having fun at the beach but rather pictures that gave me a very p0rn like vibe. i took a picture of this website using my phone and texted that picture to my mom. she saw it in the morning, briefly addressed it with me, and we barely spoke of it since. my dad never did anything to me in a sexual way but there were things he said that sometimes made me uncomfortable. like when i got a new pair of underwear or even a bra, i would try it on in the bathroom and my mom would ask me how it felt and if i was having trouble with the bras, she’d come in with my permission, help me quickly then leave. if my dad was near us, he’d ask “jokingly” to see the new underwear or bras that i got. i was anywhere from 11-13 when he was saying this stuff. the main issue about this situation was that my mom never asked me if i was okay. she never sat me down and let me tell her how i felt or anything like that. i was on edge for the next month because i didn’t want my dad snooping around me or watching me change or anything (even tho i never got the feeling that he did that before). the thing that really bothered me that this wasn’t the first time we caught him with this website on his phone. in fact, it was the third time. and i had found this website on his phone all three times. as a 14 year old CHILD, i was the one who sat my dad and mom down to talk about this situation. my mom had my back the entire time but like i said, she really didn’t put in a lot of effort into the situation. i asked my dad for his phone and he willingly gave it to me. i then checked his search history and he had deleted the website off his open tabs along with his search of the website. i wasn’t really mad about this because i already had proof and my mom saw it, i was mad about how he thought he could lie to my mom and say he didn’t do it after he was caught. he claimed he didn’t know how to even clear his search history but everything he searched before searching that website was gone, nothing after it. to this day we haven’t spoken a word about this situation. i’ve told probably one or two people about this but never in this much detail. now that he’s gone i miss him so much but i don’t know how to deal with the emotions i feel because of what he did.