Secret - when I was 11, my cousin (aged 17) sexually abused me whilst we were both staying at my grandparents house. He’s a successful athlete now, has a wife, two kids, and is a favourite of the family. I’ve never told anyone and probably never will but every now and then I can’t help but think about it and it makes my skin crawl. He probably doesn’t reflect on it at all and if he does, there’s no accountability or remorse.

I regret caring at all about anything and only realizing now that life is so meaningless. We are born we spend our youth full of school and stress for the future. Then we spend years working full time jobs to earn money so we can live and enjoy things, then we die. We shouldn’t have to spend half our life working for money, we should spend it enjoying our lives. I don’t know how humans got to this point but it’s just really depressing. Human lives just keep getting more depressing and on top of that we have to ruin everything around us. I just don’t know what to go anymore because as much as I want to start caring about things it just seems meaningless. Also knowing there’s so much more in the Universe but realizing we won’t ever know about it or ever know how we really got here. I’m also scared that I’m the only one who views life this way or that maybe I’m looking to deep into everything.

• June 25, 2023