One thing I regret and please don’t give me shit for but, I had been living with my aunt when I was around 16. For context, I was born into a very poor family, my mom had kicked me out and I was living with my aunt. My aunt had a two bedroom trailer so we shared a room, it was always dirty and I was still in high school. I had a laptop that I saved money for and bought (It was only 150 dollars it wasn’t extravagant.) For Mother’s Day her sons didn’t get her anything and she was very sad. So I gave her my laptop as a gift, and told her that I loved her. My aunt was very sick (later found out she had cancer), she couldn’t really move a whole lot and needed care that her sons refused to give her. My cousins were on drugs and never home. A few months later she let her sons wife kick me out of her house, and I told her to “give me my laptop back” i said it in the heat of the moment, and she started crying saying it was hers and I had gave it to her. I feel so guilty because she’s never really had nice things. And seeing her cry made me feel so horrible. I pushed aside my guilt and let my anger get the best of me. By the time I wanted to reach out to apologize, we found out she had passed away, alone. Nobody knew until days later. I wish she was still here so I can tell her I’m sorry and that I love her.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023