One day in September of 2020 I was in my room and I was gonna yk end it all and I had started planning it out and I was gonna cut myself one last time and then od so I had started to sh and I had only done abt three but I heard somebody so I hid the knife and slid my sleeve down. It’s was my cousin who had came to stay the night by surprise and that night we talked abt a lot of stuff and I had ended up telling her that I had been rly depressed, and she was rly supportive and three days lasted she told my parents who ended up putting me in therapy. Nobody to this day knows that I was gonna end it all that night and if it wasn’t for her randomly showing up at my house I probably wouldn’t be here

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023