Ok I don’t really know how to say this without sounding like a total bitch and a pick me but I’m not faking it. I’m literally heartless and all of the horrible things that’s ever happened to me doesn’t even affect me I just act like it does and I don’t even know what love feels like Bc I don’t love people and it’s weird and there’s this dude who was In love with me and I had thought I loved him but I didn’t and I realized I didn’t but I didn’t wanna leave him Bc he could ruin my whole reputation so I stayed and told everyone I loved him and I acted all sad and hurt when he “left” me and now everyone feels sorry for me and when I try to tell him I never really did love him he doesn’t believe me and I once played someone Bc they played my friend and I talked to him for atleast 3 weeks and he fell heavily in love with me and I played him Like it was nothing and I felt no emotion or empathy and I feel bad but I also don’t because for some reason I just don’t care. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023