My phone was taken away and during that time my friend texted me please don't leave me. She killed her self five days earlier before I got my phone back. That day, Valentine's day, I found out she killed herself. I felt so guilty because I already knew she was depressed a year prior. Even though I try to comfort when I could before her suicide, I felt like I should have done something better to help her. To this day, I replay events and think of things I could and should have done. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be happy.

i’m tired. i used to be a straight A student all through middle school. i was a good kid. never argued, had lots of friends, was likable, nice, i loved my life. i’m now a freshman in high school, so i’m not that old. i’m scared to eat, i can’t trust anyone, i’m failing 4 classes, i don’t come out of my room, just lost my best friend, my ex who i still love despises every inch of me. it’s taking a toll on my mental health and i’m just tired of being here. tired of pretending i’m happy just so other people don’t worry about me. i don’t know what to do, how to react. my anxiety is over the roof, to where i can’t even get out of bed. i got diagnosed with being bipolar, which is hard. i just don’t know what to do. i’m trying but i’m so tired. i’m running out of options.

• August 2, 2023