My parents abused me for years and I don’t live with them even though I’m only 16. I miss the fighting and the punches and the names. At least then I had a reason to be depressed and anxious. Now I have no reasons and I’m just making peoples lives worse. I feel like everyone hates me. I hate me

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Sooo im currently suffering from an ED (bulmina to be exact) and my friends are supportive of me but at the same time they still make jokes about it. I always hear the “why eat if youll throw it up” “oh did you throw up already” “you cant even keep it down” etc. it doesnt bother me too much because alot of times they try to keep me seated and let me stomach the food down and have always asked me how my progress is. But at the same time, my best friend isnt the biggest eater, at least not infront of me. We would plan days to go out and eat and she always eats less than i do. I get really insecure and that prompts me to get rid of the food. She oftenly comments how little she eats or how shes not hungry. If yk anything about EDs, you should know that it’s extremely competitive. So everytime i hear that or smth similar, body body freezes up and i no longer eat or keep anything down for the day. I cant bring myself too. I feel like a pig everytime i hear “im not hungry” or “oh i only ate one thing today” or anything along the lines of that. Its not her fault for saying this or my friends to joke about it, we aren’t sentimental with each other and it weirds us all out when it does happen. I know they dont mean it and want the best for me, but the comments just drive my ED further and further. I cant go to my family, they make comments on my body regardless so the only people i have are them, but at this point idk if ill be okay.

July 31, 2023

Alr so.. when I was younger I would get physically abused everyday till until about the age of 12 when I was saved from that home. (I’m 17 this year …) I always thought it was normal to grow up that way.. idk why I thought parents did that. I’m working through therapy but even they don’t know the darkest part about it . Anyway.. I still love them with everything In me.. that’s the problem tho.. im afraid to let go of the people I love the most . What do I do bcs I keep self harming and idk what to do anymore people keep leaving and hurting me so.. it’s like what do I even do yk. It’s too painful to even bring up verbally .. so yeah thanks for listening

July 28, 2023

when I was younger maybe around 8 years old my cousin who was 10 or 11 touched me, I kept telling him to get off but he wouldn’t and at first I thought it was a joke but he got aggressive and I screamed and only then did he get off, I haven’t told anyone cause I thought it was normal. I am now 16 years old and keep having nightmares. My family and his are still in touch and see each other and terrifyingly I don’t think he remembers nor would anyone would believe me.

July 27, 2023

My bf broke up with me right before Valentine’s Day saying that he likes another girl I found out who he likes and he has a crush on my bsf but I asked my best mate if she would date him and she said no but they are always talking and everything but I will always trust her but apparently he didn’t even like me and he was just dating me because he wanted a gf he didn’t even speak to me In the whole relationship I tried speaking to him but he wouldn’t even want to sit in the same table as me his name behind with a j and my bsfs name begins with a L what do I do!?!?

July 26, 2023

I woke up to the sound of breaking glass and adults arguing. Mom and friends were drinking. Cops got called. Got put into foster care with my sister. There was a entertainment tv stand with tape on the floor where I couldn't cross around it. "Don't sit too close to the tv" type of deal. I crossed the tape line. That night I was punished. But I was molested by the foster parent. I was 6 or 7. Maybe there a week until my dad was contacted and we moved in with him. I was starting 2nd grade from what I can remember. Years later that tape line send me back to that night of pain and crying. I get triggered when I see caution tape. As time went on through my adulthood I got the urge to hurt kids the way I was. But I didn't want to. Once I found drugs it helped me to escape. I then became a needle poking junkie of whatever I could shoot to keep those urges at bay. I ruined my life so I wouldn't ruin others. I'm now 33 and 27 months into recovery. I'm writing a book to free myself of this experience

June 27, 2023

My life started going downhill in 2020 pre pandemic. COVID was honestly the least of my concerns. I’ve kept it all to myself bc I don’t want to burden anyone and I don’t feel comfortable opening up to ppl. I was 13 when the problems began and I’ll be 16 this year. At 14 I started to get thoughts that I shouldn’t have been having like suicidal stuff . I’ve also heavily considered running away from home bc then I’d still be away from the problems but not be dead yk? I don’t want to die but I kinda hate living too. It seems stupid but idk how else to explain it. I want to get help and go to therapy or something but I’m Latina and my parents don’t really care much abt mental health and whatnot. That’s it, I just needed to vent ig.

June 26, 2023

What are your deepest secrets that you would like to share before you d.i.e?

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