My mom is so abusive. She’s not physically abusive since I turned 6 or 7, but I often wish that she was because her words hurt so much worse than being hit with a cord. She ruined me as a child, my education, gave me an eating disorder, and made me feel worthless. Shes an extreme hoarder and it gets pushed onto me. She’s broken my dad beyond repair and it’s so sad because he’s my lifeline. He stays with her even though he makes the money and he makes so much of it, he could feasibly leave with us and be ok. I don’t understand, but I don’t blame him. He’s been so messed up. I’m so worried she’ll do the same to my younger brother. He’s only 7 but he’s asked me so many times “why does mommy yell at me so much?” I just want to leave. I want to move out. She’s ruined my relationship with all my siblings and friends. She’s so manipulative and mentally I’ll but refuses to see it. But she acts so normal with her friends. I don’t understand. All of her friends leave eventually though. They see her true self and book it. It’s ugly when she shows who she is. She’s ruined me. She’s ruined my entire family. I fucking hate you, mom. I hate you so much. You’ve done nothing to ever help anyone if it doesn’t benefit you. You’re going to fucking understand one day. I’m going to cut you out of y life and you’re not even going to see you grandchildrens faces. FUCK. YOU.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023