My mom found out she had stage 4 breast cancer and I found out the following day after overhearing her phone call. I watched her slowly lose herself and I tried the best I could to help her. I missed every day of school to stay and make sure she at least tried to eat or make it to the bathroom. After she passed I found out that I was the only person that knew from the beginning, the rest of my family didn’t find out until it started getting really bad. I watched her cry in pain every night. I blame myself everyday… if I would’ve said something she’d still be here. I have a similar story with my dad. He passed the day after my birthday and the last time we actually talked was when I was calling him a terrible person. I am the terrible person. I still regret everything.

My parents split up in August of 2018. I was so mad at him for everything he did to me and my family, including my mom. He chose hard drugs, and to cheat on my mom with her childhood bestfriend. I texted him once in a while, because I was 15 and I wanted to make sure my dad knew I didn’t hate him. Then I cut off contact with him after seeing him again in December and hugging him for the last time. I was never able to see him. In March 2021, (my room was right beside the front door) I took a nap at 6pm and woke up at 8pm, to the front door being opened and my mom talking at the door, my grandma was crying and my siblings were upstairs. I was so confused and my grandma comforted me while crying, I asked her if my dad was dead. She said “yes my girl.. he killed himself..” I was in shock at first and I let out the most blood curdling cry. I regret not talking to him. I believe that it’s my fault he’s dead, because I didn’t talk to him. I have the last message he sent to me, and I read it almost every day. I wish I could have done something to save him. Maybe I could have stopped him.

• August 5, 2023