My deepest secret and regret is that I fucked my cousin. Multiple times. It started when I was around 10 years old. I did the dirty with him and honesty, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, at the time. But it became an obsession because it felt so good. So I just kept doing it with him. My grandma even saw us one time, i was so embarrassed but I still wanted to continue cuz it felt SO GOOD. She didn’t say a thing, but our relationship since then is not good. But, I putted an end to it when I was 14-15 years old. I was at camping. He was sleeping in the same tent as me, with my family. He was also sleeping in the same bed as me. Even tho my family was there, he kinda forced me to suck his dick. I did. That was the last time I ever did it with him, I felt so disgusting. I still see him but it’s so awkward between us, but also with my family (because of my grandma). I feel deeply ashamed and disgusting. (also we are both dude and he had multiple girlfriends while we fucked). I just don’t know what to do. ( I’m 18 now)

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023