My dad had bi polar depression. He was a very emotionally influenceable person. If he ever got mad, he would physically abuse me. Choke me, call me horrid things. He should’ve been put in jail for the things he did. All of this shit he did to me started at the age of 5. However, I accepted it, for a while at least, because I knew he did it because he really loved me. I wanted to help him, it was becoming a theme in my everyday life. “How can I help my dad?” Well, a couple years ago, as a pre teen, I wanted to get my dad to therapy. The idea was great, he could be helped, my life would be better, maybe my parents could get back together again. This was my plan until he pushed me out of a moving car at 30 miles per hour. At that moment I decided to live full time with my mother. I gave up on the plan to help my dad. After 2 weeks, he was found dead in a bathtub full of water with a hairdryer floating around his feet. I wish I didn’t give up on him, but maybe he couldn’t be helped.

I been thinking real hard about even relaying these awful things about the person that I have admired the most, the person I have respected and revered my whole life but that now, has completely backstabbed me in the worst way possible. A few years ago, a scandal broke in my political family involving my mother. As you can imagine, it nearly broke my marriage and tore my husband’s family apart. My sister in law found my father in law and my mom talking on social media. The worst part of it, when I was confronted, I was accused of knowing about the whole affair and made it looked like I was an accomplice to the whole ordeal. When I had absolutely no clue to such a disgusting mess. I don’t know what neither of them were trying to accomplish and now, I’m the black sheep of the family. No one talks to me. While my father in law is still loved and honored. My mother the home wrecker and I pay the sins of her ordeals. She never once has said I’m sorry. Never! In her head, I’m better off without that side of the family. But it’s not about that; why did she do this to me? Why my father in law? Among so many men? Why him! I guess I’m just looking for an explanation and I know I will never get it from her. Because she just cannot accept she did anything wrong. I wish I could get her version because as of now, I only know everyone else’s but her’s. I always thought I didn’t need to hear her side because it’s not my place to question her, but I have kids who now have to suffer for her sins as well. I don’t think it’s fair to them either. I guess the damage is done as well and the past is the past. I won’t get nothing accomplished but I just want an acknowledgment from her part that she messed up.

• August 12, 2023