My brain is a little foggy of the events that happened but I’ll say what I can remember. When I was 8 or 9 I wanted to sell bracelets and my moms boyfriend at the time said that I can go if I come back and helped with something. I came back and he said I was old enough to know some things and stuff like that a young woman. Then we talked about what would u do if you were trapped in a room with a guy and I said I would scream. He said that wouldn’t be smart because nobody would hear you. Then he said I could watch tv and said he would put on Disney channel and i shielded my eyes because it was a porn cd and I got scared so he turned it off. Then I remember talking about something and he pulled his pants down and said I should suck him like a lollipop and I said no I was deeply disturbed and he grasped my hand and I tried to run and I got away and I went outside. However I am the oldest and I have 4 other siblings so I stayed because I was scared they would get hurt. I never said anything to my mom because he said I would get in trouble and get her in trouble and I didn’t want that. 2or 3 years later I got the courage to tell my aunt because he kept doing little things to bother me and I was scared that because he didn’t get to me he got to my siblings. She asked me a series of questions and I told her everything and she told me the term which is molestation and I told her I felt stupid and dirty. My aunt gave me courage to tell my mom and I chickened out so she told her and I don’t know if she was lying or not but she told me that my mom said “why would he do that” and I broke down. I stayed with my aunt for some years to get away from the situation, fast forward I came home and she was still with him and my siblings were mad bc I got to live with her and they didn’t. Then we got another house with my mom and him still being together and my gma came to visit and we were talking about some stuff and she acted like she didn’t know what happened so I told her. Nobody told my gma what was going on. As of now I have 6 siblings and two of them are from that boyfriend and I am grateful for them I love them to death and I would give my life for them but i cannot believe he gets to be the dad and I am glad he doesn’t come around. Every time I hear his name I’m not angry anymore but I still get sad because of the shit that I had been through. I had to pretend that I was fine and like nothing happened, I couldn’t get justice because it was a long time b4 I told anyone and even if I could my aunt said she and my mom would get in trouble and I coined the do that to my family. Also as of now I am 20 years old and I have never went into detail with a friend about this. As a result of experiencing this I watch porn way to much and I am way to scared to have sex and even kiss someone. I know that I am not what I went through but it hurts it is a reminder of everything and how gullible and naive I am. To make matters worse I was talking to my mom about academics and y I can’t focus on my college work and she blamed it on when I stayed with my aunt when she knows what happened and y I had to stay there it was never my fault and she knows who is truly at fault and what trauma could do to someone I know when she said it she wanted a reaction out of me and she got it. 20 years old and this stuff is still kind of at the back of my mind bc of this and past horrible friendships I am scared of everybody’s intentions but the good news is I decided to go to therapy to better communicate and get this type of shit off of me and out of my mind wow this was a lot