My biggest secret is that... I tried to commit suicide twice. One attempt had my younger brothers find me and they yelled sense into me, and my second attempt nearly killed me. I wouldn't stop cutting my arm until eventually about 4 of my Alters in my System Fronted to save me. If those 4 Alters hadn't acted, I would've been dead years ago, when I was 17. And all because of my abusive Ex-Stepfather and what he did to me and several other of my Alters... Things I won't talk about here. I know some of my followers on Tiktok will see this, and I don't care if they do. But I will confess one more thing... I never told my Mom that I attempted twice. I never intend to tell her, it would break her heart to know that her eldest child tried to kill themself.

I am so scared of becoming nothing in life. Although I wasn't born in the best of situations, I always knew that I had the ability to stand out. By the time I reached high school I was in Stuyvesant, skipped 3 grades in math, 2 in science, and 1 in languages. My whole life my parents and I expected me to achieve something great. But I got addicted to drugs and f*cked up my grades to the point where idk if I can go anywhere except community College. I've been trying to stay sober these days and get back to the person who I feel like I should be but I find myself slipping more into my old ways every day that goes by. All I ever wanted to be in life was a doctor, to help people and do something significant with my life. And I hate myself for being mediocre when everything is telling me I can be more. I had so many doors open to me, and i feel like I locked them all. And the worst thing is, I still have all the keys in my hand, I just don't have the strength to turn them.

• July 27, 2023