What are your deepest secrets that you would like to share before you d.i.e?
My biggest regret that I struggle with everyday is never telling my older brother how much pain me puts me through. How he left me when I needed him the most and that shit hurt. He left because he got a problem with our dad. See our dad wasn’t the best growing up for me and brother, he did a lot of things that still scar us today. And I though since there’s a 10 year age gap between us that as I got older we’d get closer but we never did. Even after him and my dad had traumatized me, picked on me, and did other things too, I still loved him and wanted him to come back. But now I could care less about him. Because I had to learn how to grow up fast since I became the oldest child after one brother died and he left. And now Because of him I’m a way better sibling to my younger siblings then her ever was to me, I stayed even through my dad still being an ass most of the time. I protect them and look out for them since he never did for me. And he always pulls the same crap we’re he’ll pop in every couple years just to say hi and then leave again, not having any contact or anything until he decides to start his process over again. And I hate myself more though for still loving him and wanting him to come back and care about my siblings and I, and to meet our younger siblings which he has yet to do. But until he does not only am I stuck being the screw up first born daughter, but I’m also stuck being a parent to not only my younger siblings but also to my dad. I just wish I could tell him all this. But he’d never stay long enough for me to even do that.
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