Last year when I got my taxes in, I went and bought my wife the pills she wanted and weed. A bunch of both. Me and my current wife would get so high I can't remember most of those months. My wife would talk me into letting me go hang out with her exs. I would go on her phone and see messages between them and break down but kept everything to myself. My wife would use me for money and rides and I never did anything about it. I couldn't hardly drive one time without just ending it right there. I would save texts so if people find me they could read my thoughts. The only thing getting me through it was the thought of my kid. Every day I had to fight the urge. One thing I will never be able to tell my family is how close I was from being gone. I love them.

when i was younger (like 7-12) my dad used to hit my sisters and my mom divorced him. he rarely did it to me but he would emotionally abuse me a lot. like being manipulative and narcissistic. i’ve been to a therapist ordered by the court about it but no one ever takes me seriously because “he never really hit me” it still impacts me a lot and i try not to think about it but when i do it really messes me up. recently my moms boyfriend had asked us to move in with him and my mom said yes. my dad used to move around a lot and so the town that we’re moving to he has lived in. it’s giving me severe ptsd and anxiety and i can’t control it but my mom is telling me to get over it because hes different. well she’s had boyfriends before and they weren’t different. i can’t help feeling guilty like i’m stopping them from being happy but i’m very unsure about it. her boyfriend hasn’t given me a reason to doubt him and he’s really good to me and my younger siblings but i still worth it won’t work out.

• August 4, 2023