Last year, 2021, around Christmas, I got pregnant by my now ex boyfriend. We've been together for two month's and it was the happiest I've ever been, but when I told him that I got pregnant, things between us got a little complicated because neither of us wanted kids, ever. He stopped talking to me for a while, and I gave him time and space. He got drunk a lot around that time and after a few weeks, I told him it was hard communicating and that we needed to talk, all he could say was that we should break up. It was in the middle of the night and I went outside for a bit because I feel more comfortable outside then at home. I told him that I needed time to process that and that same night he came over because he didn't want to leave me alone. He did that several times, he kept on getting my hopes up over and over until after the abortion, he ghosted me and stopped answering my text's and calls. We didn't see each other anymore and I later found out that he was dating the girl he told me not to worry about, but on top of that he cheated on me with her, lied to me, literally just used me mostly and I was so hurt by it that I tried to commit. It's been two months since we last talked and I'm still in love with him, I simply can't get over what happened and I don't know where else to talk about this honestly.

I fell in love with a guy for 5 years of my life. No matter how much time we were away from each other I couldn’t forget him or move on from him. 2 years ago I started to date someone else and had stoped talking to the other guy who we will call Jacob. For so long I thought that I had stoped loving Jacob yet not once did he leave my mind. He was always in my heart and was such an important person. Many people ask why I didn’t just stay with him. The truth is that he never told me how he truly felt. He never spoke his mind to me. He was always quiet and refused to tell me how he felt about me. In a way I know he loved me too. I just don’t think he wanted to be an open person because he was never open with anyone at all. We weren’t meant to be and this past summer I left my relationship to try and be with Jacob but he was hurting me by staying silent and not telling me if he wanted to be with me. He said he did but he wasn’t open on his feelings and as much as I think he did love me I also think that he was never gonna fight for me or open up to me. I wish it was different. He was the only person I will ever have such a strong connection and bond with. After two months of trying to work something out with him again. It failed. I felt like he wanted the whole world but me. I love him I really do. I went back to the guy I was dating because I felt it was unfair to leave such a great guy for something that wasn’t gonna work out. However I truly love Jacob and yes I love my boyfriend too but Jacob will always be a piece of my life and soul. I don’t know how to let Jacob go. At nights I miss him a lot and I need to constantly remind myself that I need to let him go. I just wanna forget him and move in. I wish it was easy. I just wanna feel happiness and no longer pain from a love that was too good to be true.

• July 30, 2023