I’ve dissociated quite a lot of the things that have hurt me, I’ve forgotten the details and specifics to what people have done to me in situations that have changed me. It’s like my brain has markers on those memories and when I get to close I know the vague idea and back off. But the things I’ve done that have wrecked my life still live with me every day so specifically and it’s like I’m always back there. I’m not too sure what to do. It’s gotten to the point where my self worth is being affected in such a negative way. How do I let go

When I was 13 years old I went on a camping trip with my cousin, his family, and my little brother. The first night I got so homesick so he told me to stay in the room that he was sharing with his little brother and my brother. He wanted to prank my brother and his brother. And I said ok. We’re teenagers I thought it would be fun/funny. but a couple minutes after when I asked him what he wanted to do for the prank on them he said to forget it. After a couple minutes, my life changed. He kissed me. And he touched me in inappropriate ways. My body was just in shock I couldn’t do anything. I was only 13 and he was 15. After the situation happened, all he did was put the blame on me for everything, he kept asking why I did that to him. The next day he wanted to talk about what happened. And he wanted to “recreate what he did” all he did was kiss my cheek. I wouldn’t let him kiss me. The last day we were staying there he told me that he felt uncomfortable being around me. And I asked him what he wanted me to do about it. He told me to kiss him again. Now I’m 15 and he’s 17. I still haven’t talked to him to this day, and hope I never will. The day after I came back home I was at a restaurant with my grandparents. They knew something was wrong from the minute I came home. I had to tell someone. Even tho he told me not to. But I ended up telling people what happened. After so many court dates and so many tears. I won my battle. The truth was to come out about what he did. Because he knows it was wrong and disgusting. And I’m not sorry for the pain that I’ve caused him, because he was the one who put his hands on me. He was the one who kissed me after I told him no. I didn’t do anything but the RIGHT thing.

• May 7, 2023