i’ve been sexually abused my whole life. it started with a man my dad knew when i was 6. he just left me there with him, dropped me off, took my sister with him and left me. i lost everything that day, every kind of virginity, i didn’t even know what sex was, i didn’t utter a single word about it for a decade. next was my sister, i think it started when i was 7, i just wanted to be loved, wanted to make her happy, so i went along with it, until i was 14, when she left. there were men in between, that passed through my fathers house. then after my sister left i was lonely, suddenly i wasn’t needed like *that* and i felt worthless. so i went online, specifically kik, omeagle, and skype. i sent hundreds, if not thousands of videos and pictures to men of all ages. i had always felt disgusting but this kicked it up a notch. i stopped when i got a boyfriend at 16. he didn’t rape me until i was 17. while i was too drunk to even move, lying on my stomach, he couldn’t have known if i was even conscious. we were on and off for the next five years. and he just kept doing it, whether we were together or not. while he thought i was asleep, or drunk, or just didn’t care. he’s the only person i’ve ever confronted about it, because i guess in some way i had felt some kind of safe with him. but he denied it. there were others through the years, but it’s been at least a year now since the last time. last year i was in a relationship with a really great guy, and it didn’t end great, we’re not that close anymore and i’m heartbroken - but he never raped me. for the first time i didn’t feel like my worth was rooted in my sexuality. now i’m single, and it’s been a month since i’ve last had sex, that’s the longest i’ve ever gone. i hope i keep it up, i’ve given and had my body taken by so many people, for this year at least i want my body to be my own.