I've been obsessed with my math teacher for the past year and I don't know how to make it stop. She was basically the only person who I knew that treated me with kindness and cared about me, so I spent a lot of time talking to her but eventually I started developing a crush on her which spiraled into a really bad obsession. I stalked her social media and saved every photo of her I could find (I deleted them recently though), and I even tried to keep other people away from her. The jealousy was terrible, it literally made me sick to the point I would vomit in the bathroom after school. It got so bad that I planned to kms since I obviously couldn't be with her. I hate myself so much for feeling this way, I feel like she would hate me if she found out. It's scary because it feels like my life has no purpose without her. It sounds really stupid, but that's just how I feel. I don't know what to do, I feel hopeless.

TW. this happened a few weeks ago, but the death was recent. my friend zach was an unhinged life of the party. he did questionable acts but meant well. he didn't know right from wrong too well and he had BPD. his father was paralyzed from the waist down a few years ago and he took the blame. zach took my wallet a lot. and i was tired of him spending my money. i called him 3 weeks ago on wednesday in the afternoon and scolded him. i yelled. i screamed. i was so angry that he constantly did it. i then blocked him on everything. but after my college prep period, his younger sister called me, and said, "zach's in the hospital. he tried to OD." and he didn't wake up for another 2 weeks. i ran to visit him when he did. he cried, and he said he was sorry. he said from then on, he'd be a better friend. he wanted to make better memories. he wanted to make me smile like he used to. but this past Saturday, zach passed away at 15 years old due to heart failure. and all i can think about is how he could still be alive if i had just let him use my money.

• June 28, 2023