I've been having these thoughts of wanting to get severely injured, send to the hospital, maybe even killed. All so my siblings can feel a little guilt for how they treated me, and maybe if it happened my mother would notice me more often and give me the attention I was deprived of. And I want my therapist to actually be there for me, all she does is make me talk and then makes me watch youtube videos, it doesn't help me at all.

Alr so.. when I was younger I would get physically abused everyday till until about the age of 12 when I was saved from that home. (I’m 17 this year …) I always thought it was normal to grow up that way.. idk why I thought parents did that. I’m working through therapy but even they don’t know the darkest part about it . Anyway.. I still love them with everything In me.. that’s the problem tho.. im afraid to let go of the people I love the most . What do I do bcs I keep self harming and idk what to do anymore people keep leaving and hurting me so.. it’s like what do I even do yk. It’s too painful to even bring up verbally .. so yeah thanks for listening

• July 28, 2023