It’s not that I feel those “suicidal” thoughts, not exactly. But I feel like I don’t belong on this earth and like I’m fat and ugly and dumb. Being autistic is a major issue for my family and I’m treated like the outcast since nobody understands me. Pair that with me having no friends, no job (I’m applying everywhere and not hearing back)xl, always sad (I’m taking meds) and being on a 6-12 month wait list STILL for a therapist in my town. My coping skills don’t seem to help with any of these issues to make me feel better and I’m not sure how to cope. How do I get rid of these awful feelings?

TW// self harm & suicide i’m known as the “perfect girl” with a “perfect life” by everyone. my parents are still together. there are literally no problems in my family, everyone gets along really well. we aren’t struggling with money. i have all A’s. i was accepted into one of the top private schools in my state. i’ve been on homecoming court and i’ve been elected for a position in the student council. my parents do everything they can to give me an amazing life. but for some reason i feel so sad. i don’t know why and i feel so selfish but i feel sad. i feel like everyone hates me and like they would be better off without me. everyone thinks i’m perfect and my friends even tell me that i’m “the only mentally stable person” that they know. i’m scared of telling anyone else this after it got out and got to my parents. but since this is anonymous i wanted to let it out. i self harm and i relapsed so many times. i attempted 3 times in the past 2 years. obviously it didn’t work and i don’t plan on doing it again for now but i have thoughts about it. it sucks. and i feel so hopeless and helpless even more since no one can see it. i know this is selfish but sometimes i wish people would try and understand and talk to me

• August 5, 2023