it’s not really a secret but it’s one of my biggest regrets. my cat died in September 2021, and I blame myself. I don’t know why, I just think I could have helped her. Also apart of that I didn’t stay with her to get put down. I thought that would be traumatizing, but I really would have stayed so that she would leave with someone the loved her so much around her. but no. I thought of myself first. I really hate myself because of it.

Ever since I was little I was never able to express or label my emotions well. It’s hard for me to empathize with people and honestly I don’t know if I care that it doesn’t bother me. I mean sometimes it does because I want to feel what other people feel. I just don’t know how to connect with people. This has affected many, possibly all, of my relationships. No one knows what my personality is really like and honestly I don’t know either. It changes so much depending on who I’m with. It’s like each day I put on a new persona. Sometimes it’s very confusing and other times I don’t feel anything at all and can just fake everything. I don’t know how to worry (I think that’s the word I’m looking for) about this and fix it because I don’t know what the problem is

• July 3, 2023