It was an elementary school, I was on the bus coming home from school. Sat in the front of the bus, I was wearing a tshirt and shorts that when up to my knees. This guy stroked my leg with his hand and smile at me. I was in shocked and didn’t know what to do, or even knew what that it meant. All I felt at that moment was confusion and violated. Bus driver saw was what just happened, and all she did was flash a smile as me. Didn’t yell at the boy or anything. I thought that as an adult, she knew what to do, but she didn’t. To this day, I havent told a single soul, and still feel guilty about this. Maybe if I have told someone about this, then maybe I will be somewhat ok. I think about this a lot, and it has truly mess me up and how I view physical touch, and how I interact with guys. From a lover stroke my thigh or just as hugging as a sense of love, just feel weird and bring me back to this day.

⚠️TW⚠️ When I was about 9 I was in my room when I heard a loud bang and of course I went to go see what it was. It was my mother and my brother (15 at the time) fighting. It was over his stupid Xbox and him wanting to go out with friends she said no like she always did and that’s how it started.. I just stood there because I have a tendency to start having a panic/anxiety attack when there’s yelling even if it’s not directed towards me but anyways. I remember this part pretty clear because it’s now something that will stay with me forever like other things but uh she had grabbed my brothers Xbox (the whole thing) and had hit him with it. One thing I will always have a clear image of is the pure shock on my brothers face and the slow drip of blood that fell down his hands… she hit him so hard his knuckles started to bleed really bad.. although this wasn’t the first time it’s happened it’s still a shock.. she was and still is abusive but my dad left her and has full custody of me.. I refused to go with her because she didn’t only do that to my brother.. she’d abuse me as well weather it was mentally, physically or emotionally.. she fat shamed me if I’d go for seconds because he’ll my dad makes really good food and I loved it but she made me hate eating.. hate my body.. and so much more.. although I’m away from her I still have an ED (eating disorder) and have to go to therapy very often.. because of her I suffer from depression and anxiety and sh and along the lines of those things and no I’m not self diagnosed my doctors and therapist have said I am ;-; but now I’m 14 going on 15 and I’m still battling her affects on me even after not having her in my life anymore. Please know if your going through something like this your not alone<3 thank you for listening to my Ted talk (had to add some humour)

• June 3, 2023